Confessions: On Religion

Almost nothing will put the fear of god into you like the police. Police with attack dogs. The canine unit. The woof. The gnashing incisors that will wring your neck out dry before you’ve even had your Miranda Rights. Breakfast. Treat. An eviscerated trachea. Good boy.

It was at this moment – buried underneath my tomb of damp foliage, trapped in the obsidian midnight between Sparky, Spot, and my incriminating company of mouth-breathers – that I found god.

At age 16 I was ready to tell him all my sins.

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Restaurant workers legally allowed to pay for rent and groceries with compliments

Starting in January of 2018, restaurant workers who rely on tips – e.g. servers, bartenders, hosts, and bussers – will be able to pay for day-to-day expenses using the compliments they receive for their service in lieu of actual money.

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Zero fatalities and 14 offended in microaggresion “miracle” standoff with local police

A burst of microaggressions shattered what would regularly be an uneventful night at the Masquerade Bar in Capitol Hill last Friday, and ended in what Monterey Sheriff Adam Brody is calling “a miracle.”

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Confessions: The American Dream

In the wake of the Godzilla 1999 disaster – the one relevant to my own life, not the one at the Hollywood box office – I soon developed rudimentary knowledge of the self. Although I was born quite cognizant of my superiority and eventual aspirations in this world, I think it took an excruciatingly extensive time out before I began questioning my existence within the context of other people.

Therefore, at the age of six, I took the next logical step in my metaphysical development, and found a love of country.

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